The Dark Black Hole of the Soul

When you take on a really large project, it invariably becomes an emotional extension of yourself. This may be true for most creatives in their artsy-fartsy endeavors, but it rings true universally for the normies who don’t get emotionally connected to everything they ever touch ever.

Comedy Tip: Anything you’re personally familiar with is fair game for humor. Being married to my Gunky Slimers now allows me the freedom to make fun of black people, white people, Asians, mixed people, miscellaneously-raced people, college dropouts, college graduates, the uneducated, the poor, ex-addicts and people with delusions of competence.

For me, I devoted my heart and soul to the Philosopher Accountant, and the expectation was that it was a permanent fixture added to my life. However, like any parent of a 3.25-year-old, it was time to release my baby into the world and never bother with it again, hopefully expecting it to call at least once a year or so.

This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the timing. My Ducky Flippers and I have collectively never been through such a protracted and extreme form of poverty before. Outside of that God-changing-us-by-building-our-faith-through-ridiculous-hardships-that-come part of the poverty, I’ve created a much more analytical result out of it, and I will share it with all you lovely and/or ugly people.

Everyone has needs, obviously, and then they have wants. Wants and needs sit on a spectrum, but the more first world living you partake in the more you think your wants are actually needs:

• Everyone needs to eat FOOD
  • It’s quite gainful to have a means to PREPARE that food to kill diseases and make inedible things be edible
    • Having a STOVE is simply a luxury, since it’s simply a fixed food preparation device
    • Having APPLIANCES are the same thing, and they’re usually meant to make everything easier
• Everyone needs CLEAN DRINKING WATER
  • RUNNING WATER is quite convenient and decreases the likelihood of contracting various fun diseases
    • It doesn’t need to be through pipes, though!
• Everyone needs SHELTER to stay protected from the elements
  • INTERIOR LIGHTING is simply a luxury, since the day has plenty of hours in it
  • CLIMATE CONTROL  is necessary only to the extent of protecting you from hazardous temperatures
    • HVAC of any type is purely a fancy luxury (and expensive in the hot and cold months!)
• Everyone needs to STAY CLEAN, especially when society demands it
  • SOAP is necessary, and includes dish soap, laundry soap, hand/body soap, toothpaste, shampoo and hair conditioner
    • BRANDED SOAP is complete opulence, since you can make it yourself or buy equivalently good enough products at the dollar store
  • CLEAN CLOTHING is necessary to allow other first world people to take you seriously and actually talk to you
    • ELECTRIC/GAS WASHER & DRYER is complete convenience and a washer can be replaced with a clean plunger and a bucket, and drying can be air-dried
  • We all need a PLACE TO POOP, and the first world has many laws that inhibit where you can do the doodie duty
    • A TOILET is a wonderful thing, but it can be remedied just as easily with a shovel and/or a bush
  • A CLEAN HOUSE is nice, but it’s mostly to protect from diseases
    • BRANDED CLEANING PRODUCTS, like soap, does not need to cost much, and you can make it yourself or buy that at the dollar store as well
• HOT WATER is a bit of a luxury as well, and has many uses due to our psychological connection with warmth
  • A SINK is connected to food preparation, hygiene and cleaning, but it certainly isn’t necessary
    • A DISHWASHER is really convenient, but is really unneeded
• Finally, we all need SOMETHING TO DO, which historically had been in meeting all of the above needs
  • TECHNOLOGY like computers, televisions, cell phones and mobile devices are totally unnecessary to recreate
    • INTERNET ACCESS is even less necessary, but it can be gainful for researching about most things

In our own life, our extreme poverty has left us unable to even prepare food, take a hot shower or even use a toilet for a season. Some people would be mortified at this, but we’re pretty grateful, since it’s pretty much the lifestyle of 90% of the world.

This experience of ours has led us to realizing there are 3 major staples of the first world, and most people take it for granted so hard that they only complain when they fail:

1. INDOOR PLUMBING – Running conduit through the drywall and plaster has been standard practice for a while now, but it’s to the point that it’s completely expected for it to work without incident. The downside is that when it fails it takes out the house’s structure with it or spews liquid that looks like chocolate and smells like the opposite of it.
2. GAS/NATURAL GAS/KEROSENE/PROPANE – This is less prominent, except that everyone uses it for hot water. If you want to live further off the grid to avoid the conspiracy from affecting you (Hint: it still will) then living in an RV pretty much turns your lifeblood into propane. Even though it’s less prominent than plumbing, it’s still so vital that missing it would make many people cold and hungry. Except young bachelors, since most of them would just be cold.
3. ELECTRICITY – Also known as man’s greatest servant, not a day goes by that you’re not using it in some way. Wrap it around a coil and its waste heat becomes  a source. Most meters use that same coil technology to bend a small bar. Connect it to a microwave transmitter set to a frequency that boils water and you’ll cook with it. Limit its transmission to being a rapid-fire Morse code signal and you have binary computer data. Without it we are practically helpless in the first world to fix our problems.

Anyway, this discovery has come right before a new development: I’m working again! I’ve now acquired gainful employment where people will pay money for me to do things!

Life Tip: Money is an arbitrary means of exchange meant to simplify the process of trading 55 cows for 10 wagons, but golly gee darn it’s useful to keep from not starving!

I’m working at a parcel service that was united some years ago. I’ll share more details about that after I actually start working at UPS!

Competence Tip: Don’t count your chickens before the watched pot boils, since a penny saved is early to rise. Don’t trust whitey, and always brush your teeth after every conversation.